great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
