hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
