Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
