I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
