just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
