I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
