Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
