You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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