Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
