and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
