it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I touched a dick in church today
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
