we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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