everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
