When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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