3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
