Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
