I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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