its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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