I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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