Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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