So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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