8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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