you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
