summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We left an ass print on the piano.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
