It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
