WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
