Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
