I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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