we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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