Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
