I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
