I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
