dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
