He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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