We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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