Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
