trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I got inside last night via doggy door
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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