Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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