its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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