Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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