My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
