onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
