Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
