I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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