I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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