He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
