and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
