After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
