Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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