I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She announced her abortion via fbk
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
