You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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