i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
