Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
