"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
